i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
