hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
