it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
