cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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