I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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