I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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