you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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