it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
