So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I've blown a few things in my day
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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