No awkward lesbian experiences without me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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