You smell like stripper and shame
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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