butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
