They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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