this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize