In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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