Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
