what day is it and did you see me today?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize