I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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