i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
