He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
is it fun? or sober?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
