We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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