It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
