Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
