anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
