Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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