just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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