ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
