You just made me feel so damn special
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
