Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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