Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
