exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
