He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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