My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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