You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
