in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
this just has baby written all over it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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