I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
