your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
