Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
