eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
