after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You're a waste of cheezeits
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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