I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
