They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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