apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
