My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
