I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
