In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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