just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
