I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just gargled with NyQuil
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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