I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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