mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
