I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dicks are not precious.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
