Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
